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17 May 2011 @ 10:17 pm
By the Book  

I’ve been playing L.A. Noire for a few hours today, and I’ve learned a thing or two about being a cop.

1: When in doubt, always refer back to the Police Manual. It’s hollowed out, and there’s a gun inside.

2: Every call you attend should end with you calling in the coroner.

3: If you find a bloody knife at the scene of a crime, shrug, and leave it in the dumpster where you found it.

4: When questioning a P.O.I., always make sure to call them a fucking liar.

5: If the suspect is Jewish, he’s automatically guilty. It’s his motive for the crime.

6: If the suspect is holding a civilian hostage, don’t try to negotiate with him. Shoot him in the fucking head.

7: Any car you see is now yours by the magic of you taking it, and it’s all nice and legal.

8: All traffic violations are invariably murder investigations.

9: When meeting with a P.O.I. in their homes, show some initiative and connect their water heaters for them.

10: It’s far easier to shoot a suspect in the back than it is to chase after them.

11: Everyone lies to the police all the time, for ridiculous reasons. Shoot everyone.